I offer gratitude to the reader who commented on my last
blog. She wondered if returning to gardening
represented a dark shroud being lifted from my life. This set me to thinking about what these
years of transition have truly been for me.
This is such a good time of the yearly sun-cycle to take stock; to ask,
‘What has been growing in the garden of my (or your) soul’?
Here we are looking at the question, what’s an active woman
to do when faced with several years of life-altering time on the sofa or moving
slowly? How can she work with a transitional
time of having left “then” but not yet arriving at “now”? Reimagine her life, that’s what!
Having moved from a place of unsurpassing beauty to a place
where we created unsurpassing beauty leads me to a deep truth that I had
assumed but didn’t know if I believed: Beauty
is where you make it. And much of this
beauty lies in the very fact of the making.
I soon found that I couldn’t do my former work, but didn’t
quite know what my new work would be. So
I set to weaving the threads of earlier interests and trainings to make a new
way for myself to travel. The path has
been as full of challenges as it is of surprises and a sense of fulfillment.
My process has been to go mining, probing deeply into my
thoughts and beliefs, knowing as I went that I always had the ability to re-surface
for air when ever the need arose. It’s a
funny thing about mining in one’s soul, the deeper you go; the further you
expand when you surface.
And so I unpeeled assumption after long held belief
system. And found myself, still unable
to move as freely as I might enjoy, but doing the work of my soul’s calling;
the work of supporting myself and others in unfolding and traveling the spiritual
path that works for them. And what an
honor this has turned out to be.
Riding the waves between knowing and not-knowing has yielded
surprising yet exciting results. What I
have learned is the prize.
Much of this time has been spent noticing where my
impatience butts heads with my patience. I had believed I was a pretty patient
person. After more than half a lifetime working
with a sitting practice, I thought I had cultivated patience. But these past few years have brought me face
to face with a deeper reality. I have an
impatient streak as wide as all outdoors.
Sometimes impatience looks like anger or frustration or
confusion. Sometimes it has offered
thoughts of simply running away. Other
times it emerges as humor. Or relief at
being recognized. And, of course,
recognition gives way to balancing impatience with patience.
A second lesson has been the experience of dynamic
balance. Balance, not when standing
still, but balance that continually demands attention so that the flow of Life
Force moves freely. I have learned to
ask; how do I tend dynamic balance in this breath? How do I redress ‘the balance’ now?. In this breath. And now, in this breath. For this state of so-called ‘balance’ never
stands still, it always requires my attention to remain present to what is.
And, finally, I have been graced with the lesson of….. surprise. If you have worked with me personally, you
may have noticed how frequently I invite ‘surprise’ into our lives, into our imaginations
and expanded minds. I find that when we
let go of the desire for an outcome, surprise enters. Then something new can happen. And this is the beginning of growth.
This is a brief conversation of some of the gifts that transition has
brought into my life. What gifts have
your seasons of transition yielded?
Comments
Post a Comment