I have added a new practice to my life or perhaps returned
to an old practice. The practice of
loving kindness – towards myself. I frequently
counsel others to treat themselves more tenderly. Finally I realized that I was
really talking to myself.
Do you ever get that sense that the things you say to others
are actually what you need to hear? Well
that’s how it turned out for me this time.
That ‘mantle of tenderness’ I was suggesting to so many others, I needed
to don it myself. Here’s how it
went.
I have many frames for my daily practices; sitting
meditation; a daily writing practice, currently fiction; exercise, generally
some version of yoga or, in warmer weather a walk. At times I have thought, what a luxury it is to
give myself all of this time every day devoted just to soothing and being
me. But truth be told, it’s not really a
luxury. For me it’s a necessity.
Like all of us, sometimes I don’t ‘do my practices’ and then
my life changes. At first, the change is
ever so subtle. As though something is
vaguely out of kilter. And, the times
I’ve continued to let my practices slide my life begins to feel just a bit
chaotic. I might spend a couple of days
feeling ungrounded and wonder why. But
eventually I remember. I had
(temporarily) given up my practices.
Then, day-by-day, back to the meditation bench I go. The return feels so very welcome. Like the prodigal child coming home, my body
and mind sink into the relief of familiarity.
So eventually this holiday season slowed down. After the company had gone home and the gifts
were tucked away into their new places and the leftovers finally eaten up, I
turned back to my practices. And none
too soon. I had been feeling just a bit
ragged around the edges.
Over the holidays I received a wonderful CD by Jennifer
Berezan and Friends, called In These Arms. If you don’t know her work, you can check it
out here http://www.edgeofwonder.com.
This CD is about 75 minutes of her version of the Loving Kindness
chant. Hearing it instantly transported
me back to the late 70’s and my days at a local Meditation center. I couldn’t stop listening to it. The chant took up residence in my mind.
“May all beings be happy
May all beings be safe
May all beings everywhere be free”
As I returned to my sitting practice along with this
wonderful chant I remembered that cloak of tenderness I had suggested to so
many others. And, finally, I took mine
out of the recesses of my imagination and put it on.
My life has returned now to a more even keel. There’s been a definite opening and an easing,
a relaxing into the now of things. My
actions, being held in loving kindness, have slowed down and are more
considered. Despite the extreme cold,
I’ve been enjoying the sheer beauty of each day. And that sense of relief that settles
in from coming home to my being.
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