I’ve been rehabbing from hip replacement surgery.
I have always been a very active person who is used to experiencing the
world through my body. Understanding the necessity of this surgery was a 2 ½
year journey while I tried to heal myself using a variety of spiritual and
healing modalities.
But circumstances prevailed and in the end I remembered that
sometimes and orange is just an orange. And
sometimes allopathic medicine is exactly the solution needed. I bowed to
reality and went to the hospital. My new hip and I were back home 2 ½ days
later.
So here I have been, moving from surgery to walker to
crutches to a single crutch to a cane, all the while wondering when I will be strong
enough to walk on my own two legs again. The most heartening part has been those
who sent healing energy or visited or helped out, from keeping me company to
giving my partner respite from caretaking me. We are so very grateful.
At the recent Full Moon gathering I described these past few
weeks.
“In my good moments I view this time as the shaman’s journey, sometimes called a ‘Little
Death’; a time set aside from ordinary responsibilities; waiting with as much stillness
as I can muster until the ‘rebirth’ unfolds.”
For me, I imagine the rebirth will be the ability to walk on
my own, to garden, to dance. To reclaim
my life and learn what it has become.
Personal issues have arisen, especially about asking for
help. I thought I was pretty skilled at
asking for help. But it turns out there
are limits to how much I can ask for, even
if I still need it. And my sense of
self worth is tangled up right in the middle of it. Untangling this knotted set of beliefs has
become my work.
Despite my struggle with impatience, healing takes time,
diligence and energy. Not necessarily the energy of doing, but the energy of
being. In short, it takes Presence. This is the same presence as Priestessing a
ritual, making art, leading a meeting, or showing up for your friend or for
yourself.
We all have between times; times when our old being no
longer fits but we have not yet grown into who we will be. In those times we are each the shaman having
a Little Death. These are the times when,
even though we don’t know where we are going or how long it will take to get
there, somewhere inside we know that we will arrive. So we lean into our internal supports or our
spiritual practices trusting them to hold us.
In this way we become born anew.
How are you birthing yourself now?
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